Aug 30, 2010
Posted by Skid Vis on Aug 30, 2010 in Dreams | View Comments
Looks like it’s that time of year again.
Fall?
No, Nightmare season. It seems every year I go through a phase where I have nightmare after nightmare after nightmare. They just get stranger as they go, too. A couple nights ago I was a little boy trapped in a haunted house, forced to get Christmas decorations out of a flooding basement by my wicked step-mom (and about 10 generations before her).
Ok, so what sets last night apart that you’re all up in my face about your dreams?
Well, last night’s dream actually had horses in it!
I hope it wasn’t a sex dream. Please don’t let it be a sex dream!!
You’re a sick man, you know? No.. it wasn’t. It was just another happy-go-lucky, soul-torturing adventure.
Sweet! Now I’m interested!
Well, let’s start off with some background. My eldest brother, and his wife, are part of this little religious band. They make the rounds at the local churches in Connecticut and do their thing. In the dream, my brother had landed a gig in Colorado! Not having seen my brother since 1999, I figured it wouldn’t be the worst thing ever if I made the trek out there to say Hi. That having been decided, a certain little redhead that haunts my every thought and I hopped in my Jeep and hit the road.
After a pleasant road trip, we met up with my brother and his family and had an itty-bitty family reunion. It was nice, I got to see my family, I got to show off my eye candy, and of course I was reminded that I’ll be spending eternity in hell for bla bla bla.
I don’t see how this is a nightmare.
Well, it all started getting weird when I accompanied my brother and his band to a church where they’d be performing. I noticed that as part of their gear, they were toting around this little puppy. A VERY little puppy, probably just a few weeks old. The puppy appeared to be sleeping, although panting heavily. They’d pick him up and move him from place to place and he would still remain sleeping and panting. I, of course, thought this weird and grew concerned, so I asked my brother what was wrong with the pup. He informed me that the pup had “kidneys”. This confused me, and I asked him to explain, as I too have kidneys but am not suffering the same effects. Apparently, “kidneys” was all he could recall of what the vet said was wrong with the pup, but it was a disease more akin to Anemia. Basically the pup would sleep like a rock for hours at a time, then suddenly wake and be normal until his next power nap.
Weird indeed, but hardly a nightmare.
Perhaps, but it sure was a cute puppy. I was worried!
You’re such a girl.
Anyway, since we were in my favoritest place in the whole wide world.. Colorado, my beautiful companion and I decided to do a little sight-seeing. We drove out to some hills and went on a little hike. We’re out alone in the middle of nowhere..
oooh, this is where it gets good? Boom chicka bow wow.
Shh! So there we are, alone, when we hear this weird announcer-like voice. It says “We’ve secretly switched out these kids toy guns with real-life rifles. Let’s see if they notice.” In the distance, we see these two little boys playing with what look like toy rifles, they were about 10 or 11 years old, dressed in bright orange rain jackets. The announcer voice comes back on, only this time he’s talking like a news reporter, he says “This just in, two local youths were found dead in the hills after an apparent gun accident. More at 11!” Just then, one of the boys points the toy rifle at the other, and shoots him dead. The shooter looks at his dead friend, pleased with his convincing death acting, then moves on and starts shooting random things.. a rock, a frog, the sky.. eventually he starts to realize that his gun might just be a real gun.. so he turns it on himself to look at the barrel, and it goes off and kills him!
Freaky.
Word! So me and “you know who” were totally freaked, we looked around for a place to get help and we saw steps leading to a log cabin. As we approached and went up the steps, we noticed horse legs protruding through the boards of a deck. Once we made it to the cabin, we noticed three horses which were being kept locked up on the deck. The owner emerged, a foreign man, perhaps Russian. He welcomed us as we frantically explained what we had seen. He nodded, showing a lack of concern, noting his pleasure that they weren’t his boys. We were in shock, but then he asked if we wanted to see his horses.. he was very proud of his horses. That one gal I was with, she loves horsies, so she all but lept at the opportunity.
We closed in on the deck and were horrified. In this tiny deck, about a twelve foot square, were three horses in pretty bad shape. The gap between the boards of the deck were spaced far enough apart that their hooves would fall through and their legs would get painfully scraped. One of the three, his legs were scraped to the bone, it was disgusting. The second horse, he was extremely malnourished. His skin was draped upon his bones in such a way, he resembled an oversized pug more than a horse. The third horse, he looked fine, except he was tired. It was his legs we’d seen as we approached. He no longer had the energy to try to stand on the deck and just laid there with his legs through the boards.
I could feel her heartbreak as she looked upon these poor creatures. She quickly lept into the deck, angrily muttering towards the owner over his obvious neglect and lack of respect for these majestic creatures. She was furious, and I respected her for it. She told him that it was his lucky day, she ran out to the Jeep and pulled out blankets, tarps, medical supplies, and other things that I didn’t even know we’d packed! She tended to the horses, and guided the man towards making the deck a safer place for the horses.. strongly recommending a bigger area for them. The man, who was obviously clueless and new to owning horses, was extremely apologetic and enthusiastic to learn the right thing to do. Of course, as angry as she was.. who wouldn’t?
Then I woke up.
What? That’s it? what about the kids? Who was the announcer?! Did you get lucky?!??
Sorry, that’s all. My stupid alarm went off.
Motherflipper!
Aug 2, 2010
Posted by Skid Vis on Aug 2, 2010 in Yadda Yadda | View Comments
On Friday afternoon, I was doing what I’d been doing all week.. A nice leisurely ride on my pretty little bike, Rita (Short for “Motorita”, which is spanish for “Little Motorcycle [female]).
It was a day like any other, the sun shining up above and the cool wind brushing up against my face as I rode down highway 75.
It was there that suddenly and without warning, a patch of gravel mysteriously emerged. Going against my many miles of training, my instinct took over, leading to a horrible mistake.. Pressing the front brake.
The next few seconds, a blur, as Rita slid out and to the left from under me, allowing physics to propel me towards a quick reminder of the frailty of the human body.
Several rolls and bumps later, I stood victorious, and hurried back to sit by my poor Rita’s side. She had suffered a devastating fall, and I was lucky if I could ever be with her again.
A passer-by, witnessing the event, parked diagonally on the highway to block traffic. He asked if I needed help, but adrenaline and confusion lead me to believe all was well. He knew better, and proceeded to help me and Rita to a safer spot in the breakdown lane. Once assured that we were fine, he was off to most likely save the world.
After several minutes, I convinced myself to make the trek home. Slowly but surely, Rita completed her task.
Feeling hungry, I called a friend for dinner.. Upon arriving and seeing my wounds, the nurse in her took over and she proceeded to clean and bandage me.
Bla bla bla
I went to the ER and I have a fractured elbow and I bashed up my left wrist, you know.. The bad one.
Sent from my iPhone
Apr 15, 2010
Posted by Skid Vis on Apr 15, 2010 in Yadda Yadda | View Comments
Ever since the release of the iPad, people have been swarming around me and bothering me with all kinds of goofy questions. Can you put that thing down and look at me? Shouldn’t you have paid your rent instead of buying that? Can I get a chance to use the shitter now? … only one person asked me something worthwhile, wouldn’t that look great hanging on a wall? Here are my thoughts on the iPad as a picture frame.
First – It’s frickin awesome! I get all tingly in funny places just thinking about it. When I first thought of the iPad as a picture frame, I was a bit hesitant. I mean, Like everyone else, I feel a picture frame should just show one picture, one VERY IMPORTANT picture, not three thousand. I’m not too keen on providing power to a damn picture frame, either. All that changed just a few nights ago, however, when I was looking at porn. Nothing too freaky, just normal porn. Ok, maybe a little freaky, I like redheads.. but still. I thought to myself, how could I choose just one of these if I were to put one in a picture frame? I couldn’t! Having three thousand scantily-clad redheads randomly staring at me would be great!
Second – It’s automagic. No more digging through photo albums, or looking under the mattress for wrinkly-paged magazines. I just look up and presto, there she is.. and there she is.. and there she is. Heaven. Even more so, I can just stop the slideshow and search for my favorites, with pinch-zoom and rotation even.. oh yes, you like that. Holding the magazine in front of a mirror, to get a different perspective, is now a thing of the past.
Third – It’s not just for porn. Sure, I love my redheads, but what if I’m just not in the mood? What if the priest and my mom are stopping by for dinner? No problemo! This thing handles all kinds of pictures! Like the one of my puppy biting my toe, or the one of the time I climbed Mount Everest! All I have to do is open that photo album and click the nice slideshow button. Easy-peasy!
Forth (or is it Fourth?) – Just like an iPod or a hat, you can take your pictures everywhere! (except Isreal) This is an amazing thing for moms, and people like me who take way too many pictures of their pets and think they’re the cutest things on the planet even though everyone else wants to strangle me when I show them a picture of my dogs. No more lugging around scrapbooks, worrying that someone’s gonna steal my pictures, or that I’m gonna rip a page and have to redo the whole thing the next time I’m in the mental institution! Freaks like me have it all kinds of easy now!
If you like to look a pictures, this is foots up the best picture frame in the whole planet! Guaranteed! Sure, it surfs the web, plays games, and does all kinds of productivity crap, but looking at pictures is where this thing really shines.. especially porn. Check it out! (..and wash your hands when you’re done.)
*This post was meant as a joke, my good friend.. well, my FORMER good friend Andy Peters wrote a post about his iPad, and this was me poking fun. I swear to you I do not use mine for porn.. that’s what the iPhone is for. Bye now, hugs!
Dec 18, 2009
Posted by Skid Vis on Dec 18, 2009 in Words of Visdom | View Comments
Remember 2008? I sure as hell do. I lost a lot of things back then.. my friends, my opportunities, my hopes, my dreams, my Love, and maybe even my mind. I’m pretty sure I made more bad decisions in 2008 than I have in my whole life. It was the perfect storm of bad decisions.. each bad decision weighed my soul down and caused me to make yet another, which weighed me down even more, until eventually.. I couldn’t see light.
A year ago, I was Scrooge. When the Holidays showed up, I couldn’t have cared less about spreading cheer.. *I* needed cheer, screw anyone else! So I gathered up my pennies and bought myself suttim reeeal nice for Christmas. Good thing, too.. because that’s all there was. It all but seemed as if everyone in the world had forgotten about me. My choice to buy myself a gift ended up seeming like the right choice after all.. I mean, if I didn’t think of myself on Christmas, then I would have ended up with nothing, right?
Several months into 2009, the gift I gave myself broke. The broken gift, a reminder that you reap what you sow. My life was still a mess, but I’d started to realize that I was mostly to blame for it. Putting myself above others never yields long-lasting results. I may feel better today, but when tomorrow comes I’ll be alone and bitter yet again, surrounded by the relationships I cultivated.. or failed to.
This year, I’ve learned many lessons..
- The worst that can happen, really isn’t that bad and that the chances of it actually happening is pretty damned slim, so why waste the energy worrying about it? Why let opportunities and experiences pass you by just because fears are gripping you? When I actually stopped to think about it, most of the good in my life came from overcoming my fear, but most of my pain came from hiding.
- I did not get here alone. Yes, I’ve endured and overcome many tragic events over the years, but I’ve not been alone for it all. Over the years I’ve manage to distance myself from those that gave me strength. I instead surrounded myself with a new crowd, one I valued more, but one which it seemed did not value me. I am now on the path to rebuilding the bridges I so easily burned.
- Let it go, already! In my head, certain people have had a great role in molding the great mess which I am today. For years I’ve held the anger, blaming them for my suffering.. but that’s an act that yields no positive result. I’m well on the way to adopting a new strategy, one that involves me discussing my perceptions of actions and events that I held anger for. Sure, sometimes the other person will refute their involvement, or my perception of the events.. and nothing can really be done about that, but there is a relief of knowing that the discussions are not pointlessly going on in my head anymore.
- Respect the effort made by someone to engage you.. listen and respond. As a suffering introvert, I’m aware of how hard it is to reach out.. much worse yet when you DO reach out, only to be brushed off like a pesky gnat. You must give respect to get it back, but you must also give respect and NOT expect it back.
- Stop keeping score. One of the hardest things I’ve had to grasp, is that nobody is keeping score. There’s no list of how many times I’ve helped Jimmy or Mike, I am not owed anything by them. It’s hard for me because I feel such a debt of gratitude whenever someone displays kindness, consideration, or generosity towards me. I assume everyone feels the same, and then I’m completely shocked by the triviality of my gestures in return. The only way to avoid my sadness is to accept the truth.. I am owed nothing by anyone, but I indeed owe everything to all.
- I am blessed. I am being watched, I am being judged, and there is a bonus or a penalty for every action I take. Be it God, Karma, little elves, or my own self-worth, I need to propagate the blessings that I’m bestowed. I’m no saint, sometimes I’m more convinced I play for the other side.. but I strive to keep the good in my life outnumbering the bad.
- Life’s not fair. No matter what I do, nothing is promised other than death. I could rescue 100 children and kittens from a burning daycare/kitten factory and I could still end up shot by a mugger ten minutes later. That’s just the nature of the way things work.
2009 has been one heck of a year. I’d say it’s been fun, but then I’d be lying. The truth is I walk around with a heavy heart, constantly wishing I could turn back time. I see the many forks in the road and I can’t help but wonder what things would have been like had I turned the other way. I feel like I’ve been harshly judged for my mistakes, but I can only blame myself for making them. Luckily, I’m a dreamer, I still have hopes for a wonderful life. I endured much, and I didn’t get here by quitting, I got here by fighting.
There is no victory without the battle, so bring it on 2010!
Happy Holidays to you all.
Dec 4, 2009
Posted by Skid Vis on Dec 4, 2009 in Words of Visdom | View Comments
Hello, My name is Skid Vis, and I’m a giver. If you know of the Five Languages of Love (Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch), and you know me well enough, you’d agree that I fire off on just about all of them. I’ll admit, I’m weakest on Acts of Service, but I do make an effort. Receiving Gifts, or more appropriately, Gifting, as I’m not really a fan of RECEIVING gifts, is one of my strongest languages. Odds are, if I’ve ever cared at all for you.. you’ve received a gift from me. The cost may vary.. it may just have been the bill at a restaurant, or it may have been some costly luxury item, but it had infinite value to me.
On multiple occasions, my gifts have not been well-received. It’s not uncommon for people to dig deep and try to come up with some devious intent for the gift. In a previous post, I mentioned how sad I became when I was told that there’s no such thing as altruism. I’ve since, with the support of Jack Deus, learned to accept that truth. Yes, there is indeed a motive behind my gifts.. to bring joy. It’s true, I gain the most happiness from bringing happiness into a person’s life.. call me selfish.
We live in a world that doesn’t play fair. People we love die, People we love don’t love us back, our pets die, we lose friends, we lose jobs, we lose homes.. we lose feeling. While some of us see these events as challenges or tests that will make us stronger or assure us a better place in the end, others among us will start to see living life as a futile endeavor. We’ll feel like the chips are stacked against us, we’ll feel alone, we’ll feel forgotten. Yes, I’ll be selfish. I will give of myself, be it time or money, in order to know that I may have contributed to not letting someone suffer alone. I know there are many days where I feel that everything is pointless, but I know how easily that feeling goes away by receiving something as simple as a text message.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been giving. If I am your friend, and you have a need, I believe it is my duty to help you however I can. That’s what I learned in the Bible, so fault me as you wish but I’m going to keep giving to those I care about.. cuz I’m a selfish bastard.
